Hello. I am a fish finger. In a recent poll of over 1000 users on Twitter I was voted more trustworthy than Tim Farron. Not difficult to do.
As a result I have decided to stand against him in the Westmorland and Lonsdale constituency.
LET’S SINK THE #TIMTANIC
Press Release: (Downloadable copy)
BEGINS/
Press Release from Mr Fish Finger,
Prospective MP for Westmorland and Lonsdale ConstituencySay TARTARE to TIM!
I am delighted to announce I will be standing in the forthcoming Parliamentary Elections, and I ask for your support.
I have worked all over the world. I am single and will give my full attention to making real net gains for the people of Westmorland and Lonsdale.
I have lived in a constituency in which the MP was leader of the party. I understand that a leader can often overlook vital local issues. Should you choose to elect me, my sole concern will be that of our constituency.
I am a committed cod-botherer but do not allow my personal choices to affect my work. I believe everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, has the right to be with whoever they choose.
Too many politicians waste your time by angling after your votes with false promises only to flounder around once in office. We at the Fish Finger Party are sure you’ll findus a refreshing change. Here is what I will do:
I intend to swim against the stream by stamping out council waste and inefficiency. And eat more fish fingers.
There has been too much carping on about Brexit. It is time for the country to come together and work towards our shared successful future.
I do not believe in discrimination in any form, including positive discrimination. I am not a supporter of quotas. Except fishing quotas, that is. I will work tirelessly to secure our rights post-Brexit and attract inward investment to our beleaguered fishing industry.
Schools. Very important. Very important indeed.
I am a firm believer in the continued union of our country. We have heard enough from Sturgeon and Salmon.
This is my offer to you, the people of Westmorland and Lonsdale. Mullet over. Elect me and I promise to go to work from day one. Together we can turbot-charge our region and our economy. Carp Diem.
#HAKEBRITAINGREATAGAIN
The End
FinENDS/